we have officially lost it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize