I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize