the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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