dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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