I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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