I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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