Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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