The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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