She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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