coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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