Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So squirting runs in the family.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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