I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs sedatives and a leash
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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