Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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