Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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