called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize