You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize