She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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