I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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