Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
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Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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