cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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