i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize