her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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