Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So apparently I’m into choking now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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