i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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