I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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