Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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