wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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