Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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