she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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