Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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