Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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