I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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