WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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