What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize