I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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