You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
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I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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