I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry about my life...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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