I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize