I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize