accomplished twins. life is a go
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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