just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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