I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize