we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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