Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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