Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
two words: eviction party
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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