I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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