My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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