my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love you.
Bad choice
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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