He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize