Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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